400 pound girl, 135 pound photo

Aug 9th, 2008 | By | Category: Cyber Dating

Cropped Photo

Cropped Photo

So it happened again. I chatted online with a girl. Everything seemed to go swimmingly. We had enough in common. She was intelligent and had a sense of humor. We flirted. I liked her photos. Naturally, we made plans to meet.

But I wasn’t paying attention. You see, all her photos were face shots. This is a tell-tale clue that she’s not exactly Twiggy, but her profile stated that she was average. When she made herself known to me at the agreed meeting place I didn’t even recognize her. Totally unexpected. Now, I’ve nothing against the 400-pound girls of the world. It’s the prevarication I don’t care for, and despite being in a fat city in a fat country, 400 pounds is only average if you’re a gorilla or a male lion, not if you’re a human female.

To top it off, she was late. I give people at least 15 minutes and then I walk, or if I intend to enjoy an activity at the place we’re meeting, I enjoy it with or without them. This was a Mexican restaurant, the type where you stand in line to order, then visit a salsa bar. I stood in line to order at 20 minutes. She showed up after I picked up my food, found a table and was headed back toward the salsa bar. She was a half-hour late. At that point, I didn’t care any more. I was just hungry.

She insisted we sit on the patio and even picked a particular table, so I gathered up my taco tray and moved. I thought it odd, since the table hadn’t been bussed and she rejected sitting at a different table – a clean one. That and it was a bit of an imposition by then. There was a couple at the adjacent table who appeared to be eavesdropping. I know that sounds paranoid, but this happens. People for whatever reason agree to meet before they’re truly comfortable, so they have a friend or twelve at a table nearby to avoid being raped and murdered in public restaurants.

Oh no - seriously?

The (hypothetical) original photo. Why edit? Some men will find this alluring. And some who do won’t forgive the lie.

When I went inside to retrieve her order for her, I slipped out of sight near a window. Sure enough – she carried on a conversation with the two at the other table. She even got up, sat next to the girl, took a drag off her cigarette, and took a sip from her margarita before hurrying back to sit on our bench. Of course, her online profile said that she was a non-smoker. I knew when I met her though, since I could smell it on her.

I generally don’t date gorillas who lie about their smoking habits and bring spies with them on outings. But I didn’t have to say a word.

I received this text later:

Can’t believe you didn’t wait for me to show up before getting tacos – very rude – you’re no gentleman!

I don’t know what gave her the impression that I might think of myself as a gentleman (I don’t), or how she expects to get along with one if she meets one.

Now, I drew attention to her weight because it’s an example of extreme embellishment on her part. It’s not the first time that’s happened. I understand people being self-conscious about their weight, even wanting to hide it. The 300 or 400 pound date who showed you a 100-pound photo happens, as does the 50 or 60-year-old who posts photos from age 35. It would be great if people were simply more honest or accepting of themselves, but that’s life. What usually doesn’t happen is that she shows up late stinking of cigarettes, subjects you to an audience of her friends on the sly, and lectures you on your poor manners when you were well within your rights to bail before she arrived.

And that’s exactly what I did when the next girl was no call no show and 20 minutes late. I went somewhere else and enjoyed the rest of my day.

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