Girls

Dec 15th, 2009 | By | Category: Cyber Dating

Look Kitten, I don't give a damn what you think. If I say I'm a feminist - I am one!

Look Kitten, I don’t give a damn what you think. If I say I’m a feminist – I am one!

Oops

So I made the mistake of making a lighthearted comment that started with “You girls and your….” the other day. Naturally, the feces collided with the rotary oscillating device.

Her response

You called me girl. You must die. Make peace, and I’ll return.

This person was offended, and like me, has the manners of a poo-slinging monkey. But what could I do?

My Act of Contrition

Oh hey – just wanted you to know – with this whole girl/woman thingy – though my use of “girl” is meant in an endearing and not diminishing manner, I can see that in some connotations of the word that “girl” is diminutive (and interestingly, in some connotations it actually refers to the male gender).

As retribution for this unintended offense, I thought it insignificant to offer apology, but instead attempt to change societal norms. I am currently revising the lyrics to many a tune. I hope doing so permanently eradicates the truly horrendous suggestion that you are in any way lesser because of the simple existence of a vagina in your pelvic area. I also declare (and not for the first time, mind you) my dedication to feminism, and hope that nothing I’ve done permanently scars you in any way or in fact represents your subjectification to objectification (unless you like that sort of thing).

My first effort below:

Beastie Boys

Women (title originally: Girls)

Women – all I really want is women
And in the morning it’s women
Cause in the evening it’s women

I like the way that they walk
And it’s chill to hear them talk
And I can always make them smile
From White Castle to the Nile

Back in the day
There was this woman around the way
She liked by home-piece M.C.A.
He said he would not give her play
I asked him, “Please?” – he said, “You may.”
Her pants were tight and that’s ok
If she would dance – I would D.J.
We took a walk down to the bay

I hope she’ll say, “Hey me and you should hit the hay!”
I asked her out – she said, “No way!”
I should have probably guessed her gay
So I broke North with no delay
I heard she moved real far away
That was two years ago this May
I seen her just the other day
Jockin’ Mike D. to my dismay

Women – to do the dishes
Women – to clean up my room
Women – to do the laundry
Women – and in the bathroom
Women – that’s all I really want is women
Two at a time – I want women
With new wave hairdos – I want women
I ought to whip out my – women, women, women, women, women!

Also – here’s the original

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